This is worse than Star Wars as far as suspension of disbelief.
Um, what department store sells that many books in one place. Now they are in the book section of the store. Maybe the dog eats the baby on the next page. This story obviously has no plot or character development. So the baby is playing with all sorts of toys. Wait a minute, they’re already in the toy section of the store? WHAT A COINCIDENCE that there was no one in the elevator. Someone in that elevator is totally going to bust this dog’s ass and that mom is going to be sent to prison for abandoning her baby in the middle of the store. I remember I used to try to ride the neighbor’s dog like a horse AND HE ALMOST BIT MY HAND OFF. So the baby is riding the dog like a horse. (I turn the page without advancing the storyline) Do they have any idea what kind of day I’ve had and now they want me to make up the words as I go along? Your father is a turd. WHAT? THIS BOOK HAS NO WORDS? I HAVE TO MAKE UP THE WORDS? Why would I buy a book if I’m going to have to make up the story as I go along? This is too much work. Besides, they would never let a dog in a department store. What mother in her right mind leaves her baby in a stroller at the bottom of an escalator in a department store TO BE WATCHED OVER BY A DOG? Do the police know that this is in print? AND I’M THE BAD MOTHER? Leta, I will never, ever leave you alone in a department store with the dog who could be lured away in less than two seconds with a tic tac. “I have to go upstairs to get Aunt Martha’s curtains. Tonight, Leta, we’re going to read Carl Goes Shopping.
Here’s how that ten-minute bedtime story went: It wasn’t until last fall that I actually opened the book Carl Goes Shopping to read it to Leta. I never opened the books to look at the stories inside, I just knew that there was an adorably ferocious rottweiler on the cover and what kid doesn’t love a story about a monster with fangs that just might be eating his own feces? Dogs do that sort of thing.
GET ME SOME INSURANCE.įor our first Christmas together I got him two Good Dog Carl books because isn’t that just too cute, getting children’s books for a man in his late thirties? It was my way of saying HEY, I’M PAYING ATTENTION OVER HERE. My way of showing that I wanted kids was slightly less subtle in that it involved a lot of shouting I’M GOING OFF THE PILL IN ONE MONTH, ASSHOLE. He dropped hints that he liked kids by telling stories about his many nephews and nieces and by mentioning how much he loved Good Dog Carl books. During the first year of my relationship with Jon we often discussed the option (necessity) of having children.
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